By Mrs. Doris Osei Bonsu
Tension, confusion and frustration and even spiritual defeat often confront the Christian who tries to balance church activities and family life. As Christians we know God’s will is that both areas thrive, each fueling the other. Balancing both is rewarding and fulfilling. We know that when good things go unbalanced in our lives it can become bad. As human beings if we do not understand and practice balance, anything good in our lives can become harmful if it becomes unbalanced.
Balancing church and the family is not only a constant struggle, but a common one as well. In our careers, we want to work hard, provide for our families, and advance as far as our abilities will take us. For many of us, there’s also a marriage relationship to be kept in good repair. With our children, we want to play, to nurture, and to take to other activities like basketball that are so important to them. And in the church, we want to be actively using the spiritual gifts we’ve been given to meet the needs of others. For one reason or another, we often find ourselves getting out of balance. And there are a number of ways we recognize it has happened; we get stressed out, easily angered, unfulfilled.
I have been pulled aside by several people especially young adults several times asking me for advice; they want to know how to balance the demands of church activities and the demands of the family. They are feeling the pull to produce and be effective in their churches, but they are also trying to avoid an explosion in their family that can come with being distracted by being too involved in the church activities. Some of these people are recently married with young children and some are even juggling school and work.
These are good people who want to know how to succeed in the family and the church. I have also asked many older Christians with functional families and good jobs how they have accomplished the balance. Most have expressed that they do not have easy answers and that they have experienced a lot of frustrations and disappointments as they have tried to sort it out in their homes and churches.
The response testifies to the fact that the bible does not have any quick or canned answers to this question. There is no place in the bible with a formula for success on this matter; five hours a day in the church and ten hours with family etc. is equal to success.
It is true that the bible does not have a formula for how to parse out our schedule between the family and the church. But the bible does however establish an order of importance in these two. 1Timothy 3 4-5. The nutshell of the passage is that as (minister) Christians we have to be able to manage our own household well. It says that if we are not able to manage our households howcanwemanage the church. I believe the simple truth of the passage is that we should take care of our homes before we can be effective in our churches. This means that if we want to be committed Christians, we must be committed in having well-ordered home. We cannot have the former without the latter.
Family ministry is the God-given role we have as husbands or wives, to love our spouses as God loves us. If we are parents, it includes our role to love and raise our children. We have the responsibility to help them develop intellectually, physically and spiritually.
It is also equally clear that part of being a Christian is serving him in the church with our money, time and gift. When we talk of the church ministry, we are referring to the roles we fill in the church. Attending church requires investing time in prayers, study of the word, service, developing relationship with other Christians who will help us to grow etc. These are all necessary for our growth. It is not surprising that attempting to balance the family and church can produce tension and at times, anxiety. But there is the need to balance them.
The following are practical examples to maintain balance:
- Evaluate where you spend your time:
Chart your weekly schedule; list your “stated priorities” and see if this is where you actually spend your time match with the schedule. Are you working odd hour but cannot draw the line with your boss but are willing to draw line with church activities.
Again, is your attention to your hubbies and personal comfort taking precedence over your family and church? In other words the family and the church activities are getting short changed and the problem is not too much church activities not the family. We have to be mindful of the “Thieve of Time” like the T.V, Computers, telephone.
- Set regular consistent family time:
Some people scoff at the idea of scheduling regular family times, personally, I reserve and schedule time for the things I consider important in my life. The less important things, I just handle the best I can along the way.
Sometimes on your way to church program you can get meals together with your spouse and children and take advantage of the briefer moments before the program and interact in a quality way with the family
- Eliminate and Concentrate:
It is okay to have limits. It is ok not to be all things to all people all of the time all by ourselves. You want to manage your time? You eliminate clutter and concentrate on your goals. For many years I struggled to balance numerous community commitments. As this lifestyle overwhelmed me,
I looked for other ways I could serve. I dropped other commitments.
Are you feeling overcommitted, overloaded and overwhelmed? Get over it. You can make changes, especially when you realized getting your priorities in order makes you available to for church activities and to those most important people in your life. Just focus on what is important, concentrate on key people and the church. I believe it is easy for people to get in a ditch on either side of the issue, either neglecting family or neglecting the church. In order to find proper balance between the two, I encourage you to look to the Lord for guidance.